Mixed Results

This is going to be a true rambling. It will just start, and probably kinda end when I feel like it. I’ve had a bit of a mixed weekend. Firstly, I went to a BBQ to hang out with some mates who, admittedly, we’ve drifted away from in recent times. Through no fault of anyone, just life and being busy. This group of mates were the type that made me feel like an American sitcom, or perhaps some kind of clichéd rom-com soft focus movie. Three best guy mates (yes one is current husband) and me. Then life hit hard, we had two wee monster-like things which grew into tiny wee people in their own right, and the other guy mates got life partners in that pretty standard heteronormative kinda way.

Life moves/drifts on.

The BBQ celebrated the temporary return of a mutual friend, who had since moved onto greener pastures overseas. For about an hour, it seemed like it always was. Conversation, a few drinks, food etc.

Yet, it felt different.

Yes, those of you that do read my ramblings know that I’m quite an outspoken feminist, social justice warrior (yea I like that!) but it turns out that perhaps not everyone is like that, some people prefer to live in their heteronormative bubble of suburbia and in fact, while doing so, is unaware that they are trapped in this bubble celebrating their privilege.

I bit my tongue several times and just nodded and smiled, and wondered for the umpteenth time if it was just me. Whether I had indeed “gone too far” and was in fact incapable of having ‘normal’ conversations with ‘normal’ people.

I went to bed mulling this.

Then this morning I was invited to a birthday party for my Mr6. It was a friend from his One Day School program, and indeed, this was the tamest most engaging party I had ever been to! (SHOUT OUT to RoboArena for being the single best activity for 6-12 year old kids I’ve ever witnessed – seriously parents of children thinking of what to do, AMAZING)

I met other mothers (yea and some awesome dads too!)

As someone in full time employment, while working on a Masters and attempting to be a parent of two children, I often get frowned upon by certain mothers. I won’t elaborate here, but some of y’all probably get it. However, I’ve never felt so welcomed and so at home instantly. These people, who I literally just met this morning, connected with me in such a way that I felt slightly sad about my experience the night before. We didn’t just talk about the children, we discussed the AWFUL stuff article about the so-called women’s affairs minister this morning (urgh not even linking. you can find, but seriously don’t). We discussed how sexism was affecting both boys and girls in a horrific manner. I discussed my dissertation with someone else who was also studying a different career choice… and so on, and so forth.

It turns out then, that I had changed. I believe for the better, but definitely towards the fringe of society. What makes me happy is that since these changes I’ve met people online and in real life who also live here. I just wanted to end with the fact that it makes me happy that there are others like me, and some of them are raising monster-like people of their own too… which makes me cautiously optimistic about the future.

Interstellar, Dredd and kudos all round

thumnbsupThis is a bit of a film review post as well as a high five and kudos to Hollywood recently! Last two movies I’ve seen is the remake of Dredd and Interstellar. Those of you that read my blog regularly (or follow my crazy ramblings on Twitter) know that I’m proudly and loudly a feminist.

I reckon Hollywood deserves a big thumbs up right about now

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Patriarchy and Comedy

TRIGGER WARNING: While there is no explicit content in this post, I do mention sex-based crimes.

Just came back from a comedy show in town, and it was pretty damn funny. Must admit, there were bits where I laughed so hard I couldn’t really breathe. Good night all round.

Then there were bits where I thought… hmmm…

Now, of course not everyone going to a show is going to like every single thing that is said. And, yes, as a disclaimer, I’m currently writing a paper entitled “Rape as a weapon of war”, so patriarchal norms, sexism and violence against women are currently top of my mind.

Yet, there is just something slightly off when jokes are about sexual violence, especially when it is from a male comedian.

I think the crux of the issue is, when you are in a position of privileged, you really shouldn’t be making fun of those not in the same position. If you make fun of someone that is “better” than you, it’s funny, when you make fun of someone that is not doing as well as you, that’s bullying.

AND, (and here’s the clincher), what i’m talking about here is pretty much the entire of society. When, even in a relatively ‘free’ country like New Zealand, women are more statistically in danger in their own homes than when wandering the streets (look it up yourself, I’m not providing a depressing link here) there is an equality issue. When the ‘privileged’ is half the population subjugating the other half, there is an equality issue. When the ‘privileged’ constantly argue that there is no equality issue, there is an equality issue.

I’m gonna stop right here. I’m not even going to mention who the comedian(s) were, it’s not their fault… they just live in this world.